If you are sending Mother’ s Day flowers to your mom this weekend, chances are you opted for guaranteed delivery: the promise that they will appear by a certain time. Should the plants not arrive in time, you will likely really feel betrayed by the sender for splitting their promise. But if they appear earlier, you likely will be simply no happier than if they arrive promptly, according to new research. The new work suggests that we place such a high premium on keeping a promise that exceeding it confers little if any additional benefit.

Whether we make them with a person or company, promises are social contracts, says Ayelet Gneezy of the University of California, San Diego. While researchers have explored the unfavorable consequences of breaking promises, so far, they have not explored what happens whenever someone exceeds a promise.

Gneezy became interested in the subject when thinking about how consumers react to promises made by firms. “ My first memory in that respect is that of Amazon’ s tendency to exceed the promise with respect to delivery time — that is, packages always arrived sooner than promised — and my insufficient appreciation of the ‘ gesture’ /fact, ” Gneezy says.

Gneezy, with colleague Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, set out to discover “ promise exceeding” in a number of experiments that tested imagined, remembered, and actual promise-making. In one of the experiments, for example , researchers asked participants to recall three promises: one broken, one kept, and one exceeded. They then asked them to rate how content they were with the promise-maker’ s behaviour.

While participants valued keeping a promise much more extremely than breaking one, exceeding the promise conferred virtually no additional happiness with the promise-maker, as published today in Social Psychological and Personality Science . Additionally , in a follow-up experiment, participants stated that exceeding a promise did not need expending significantly more effort.

In another experiment, researchers paired participants, making one the promise-maker and one the promise-receiver. The promise-receiver needed to solve 40 puzzles, getting paid for each puzzle solved. The promise-maker promised to help in resolving 10 puzzles. The experimenter then instructed the promise-makers to solve either the 10 puzzles (as promised), only 5, or 15.

Although exceeding the promise by solving 15 puzzles obviously required more effort, the promise- receivers did not value that additional work any more than just keeping towards the 10 puzzles promised: They valued promise keeping and exceeding similarly.

“ I was surprised that exceeding a promise produced so little meaningful increase in gratitude or even appreciation. I had anticipated a simple positive effect, ” Epley states, but “ what we actually discovered was almost no gain from going above a promise whatsoever. ”

And the trend held accurate across the experiments: “ Being able to demonstrate our effect so reliably throughout so many very different methods gives all of us great confidence in the robustness of these effects, ” Epley says.

The data suggest that the reason for these effects lies in how we value promises as a society. “ Keeping the promise is valued so extremely, above and beyond its ‘ objective’ value, ” Epley says. “ When you keep a promise, not only have you ever done something nice for someone but you’ ve also fulfilled a social contract and proven that you’ re a reliable and trustworthy person. ”

To test this idea further, Epley and Gneezy asked participants inside a follow-up study to imagine they had bought concert tickets for row 10 and then either received worse seat tickets than promised (row 11, 13, or 15), better tickets than promised (row 9, 7, or even 5), or exactly what was guaranteed. Participants were more negative about receiving worse tickets but were no more positive — nor more prone to recommend the company — when they received better tickets than promised.

Epley and colleague Nadav Klein are currently working on related work about how people evaluate selfless when compared with selfish behavior and they are finding corresponding effects. “ Behaving fairly toward others is the critical point, ” Epley explains. “ Beyond being fair, generosity does not seem to be valued as much as one would expect. ”

So , Epley says: “ Don’ t be upset when your close friends, family members, clients, or students are not able to appreciate the extra effort you put in to going above and beyond your promise. They do not appear to be uniquely ungrateful, just human being. ”

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Frequent quarrels with partners, relatives, or neighbors may boost the risk of death through any cause in middle age group, suggests research published online in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health .

Men and those not in work seemed to be the most vulnerable, the findings indicate.

The evidence suggests that supportive social networks and strong relationships are good for health and wellness and wellbeing, but the authors wanted to find out if the stressors inherent within family relationships and friendships had any impact on the risk of death through any cause.

They will therefore quizzed almost 10, 500 men and women aged 36 to 52 about their everyday social interactions. All the participants were already getting involved in the Danish Longitudinal Study upon Work, Unemployment and Health.

The health of the study participants had been tracked from 2000 to the end of 2011, using data from your Danish Cause of Death Registry.

Between 2000 and last year, 196 women (4%) and 226 men (6%) died. Almost half the deaths were from malignancy, while heart disease/stroke, liver condition, and accidents and suicide composed the rest.

Similarly, 6% had frequent arguments with their partner or children, 2% with other family members, and 1% with friends or neighbors.

After acquiring account of a range of influential factors, including gender, marital status, long term conditions, depressive symptoms, available emotional support, and social class, since defined by job title, the particular analysis indicated that frequent worries or demands generated by partners and/or children were linked to the 50%-100% increased risk of death through all causes.

Yet constant arguing seemed to be the most dangerous for health.

Regular arguments/conflicts with anyone in the social circle — ranging from partners and relatives to friends and neighbors — had been associated with a doubling to tripling in the risk of death from any trigger compared with participants who said these incidents were rare.

Being out of work seemed to amplify the particular negative impact of social partnership stressors. Those who were unemployed had been at significantly greater risk of death through any cause than those who were subjected to similar stressors but had a work.

And men seemed to be particularly vulnerable to the worries and demands generated by their female partners, with a higher risk of death than that normally associated with being a guy or with this particular relationship stressor.

The authors accept that will personality may have a role in how people perceive, generate, and respond to stress, and so may influence a good individual’ s risk of an early death.

But they conclude that will skills in conflict management may help in order to curb premature deaths associated with social relationship stressors.

Jun 30, 2014

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Healthy connection strategies
Relationships can be challenging if you do not know how to mney your partner’ s expectations. Expectations are the reason for all challenges in relationships turns into a person cannot need them when they do not know what you’ re planning on from them. Clear communication is required to ensure that both partners to feel like they are an equal part of any relationship. Once you learn your own expectations you can share these your partner without placing pressure to them to make changes.

If there are particular things that you find as nonnegotiable in your needs within the relationship you need to communicate them early on in the connection. Failing to do so will create hardships later on in the relationship because you were planning on your partner to behave in a particular manner. While you have the right to expect anything that is comfortable for you within a relationship your partner has the ability to say no to any request. If you have the things that about to catch willing to work with someone on telling them up front will save you both period.

Allowing yourself to connect your frustrations without personal assaults is also essential to the development of a healthy connection. Just because someone has an opinion that is different from your own does not mean that you do not possess the obligation to be honest with your feelings concerning certain issues in the connection. When two people cannot agree on a certain issue than agreeing to disagree may be necessary for the help of the relationship.

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Staying focused on the long run is not always the best way to keep a relationship going in the right direction. Instead it might be more helpful to focus on the present moment and to see what experiences that two of you can have together which will create better experience is for everybody involved. If you were able to stay in the present moment you will find that communicating with your partner all of a sudden becomes significantly easier.

Obtaining compliments on a regular basis is another way to keep a relationship healthy. Some unique problem solving techniques may be essential in order for both parties to feel like your opinion truly matters. If this is the case try to find ways to communicate that have not worked before in order to find strategies to common problems in your connection. Taking a look at things from an objective standpoint just like be extremely valuable.

Identifying your own strengths and weaknesses will allow the development of a better relationship for you in the future. In case you are constantly willing to look at yourself objectively you can make improvements on the things that you believe will help the relationship.

‘ If wishes were horses, the newly married spouses would live happily forever. ’

Marriage is a unique concept invented by humanity. This differentiates human beings from other species. We dream of a happy married life forever, but it doesn’ t work out. These are difficult times for spouses, because divorce rate is rising around the globe. Divorce between spouses depends upon the following factors:

(a) Lack of ability to forget and forgive,

(b) Ego clashes,

(c) Mutual mistrust,

(d) Things versus connection,

(e) ‘ We are always right’,

(f) Financial mismatch,

(g) Love for parents,

(h) In-laws syndrome,

(j) Sharing life in senior years, and

(k) Knowing life.

Lack of ability to forget and forgive

Our world would have been a much better place to live, if spouses could forget their unpleasant verbal duels, due to different views on small issues. The spouses are unable to overlook and forgive, for the hurts, these people inflict upon each other. It is a common flaw in human nature, around the globe.

Solution ideas

*Better forget — if at all possible forgive too — and smile, than remember and be sad.

*Learn to respect and tolerate others’ views or methods to a problem.

* Don’ t compound the problems, for children sake.

Vanity clashes

The spouses must resolve the ego clashes amicably. Tolerant attitude leads to a happy married life. To be one-up always in married life, is a poor strategy for happiness in life. Each spouse plans retaliation to set right another spouse. It nurtures the ego.

Each spouse enjoys the other spouse as long as the other spouse looks after his or her ego. In the battle of egos, between the spouses, really like suffers.

Solution concepts

*Love unconditionally and selflessly.

*Let your partner live as per his or her choice.

*Don’ t be possessive of your spouse. You may lose.

Mutual mistrust

There is mistrust among spouses everywhere. Live-in relationships have emerged as a result of mutual mistrust. They live in a relationship for decades, but do not marry. The latent panic in the minds is: If there is divorce, it implies a huge financial loss.

Solution idea

* We all — including the spouses — yearn for balance in life.

Details versus relationships

We love, and look after details; but we use our friends and relations. We should use details and look after relations. We provide more importance to things and rituals, and less to interactions. Women tend to value jewellery greater than relationships, where as men tend to provide more importance to sports or friends.

The spouses must enjoy personal choices in every area of your life, but sharing life is equally important. As the novelty in marriage fades, the spouses live life mechanically, a lot more as a duty towards children.

Solution ideas

*Recognise that relationships are more important than inanimate things, and day-to-day household chores or rituals.

*Love multiplies when spouses share life.

‘ I am always right’

We are not happy enough, if we are just right; however we are fully satisfied, when we prove that others are wrong. The wife may give priority to cleanliness in the house in order to find faults in her husband pertaining to lack of co-operation. The husband may give priority to his old parents and expect her to share their concerns. The divergent views on various issues need tactful dealing with by spouses.

Solution idea

*Accept and respect your spouse’ s priorities in life.

Economic mismatch

The scenario gets complicated if there is huge mismatch between earnings or wealth of spouses. There will be ego clashes, when the spouse, earning more, needs bigger share in executive specialist. If the spouse – earning much less — is greedy, there will be various other problems in the long run.

Solution idea

* Inside a happy married life, spouses don’ t keep an eye on each other’ s cash flow or wealth.

Love for parents

She remembers her parents. He too remembers his parents. The irony is that both spouses, nurture the sweet parental reminiscences, of own parents, in solitude, from each other. If only, they could learn how to share the past memories of each other’ s parents too, it will include lot more happiness in their married life.

In-laws syndrome

Spouses are normal human beings, who are warm towards own, heavenly made relationships, but somewhat cold towards in-laws,. The spouses are cordial towards respective in-laws, when face to face, but the spouses are not keen to share life with in-laws, who are not part of their instant family. Surprisingly, when the spouses will certainly grow old, they too, would anticipate their son-in-law or daughter-in-law to talk about life, which they had failed to perform themselves. This erratic behaviour is continuing since ages, as Background repeats itself in every generation.

Solution idea

God dwells in human beings. Same God dwells in mother or mother-in-law, and daughter or daughter-in-law.

Sharing lifestyle in old age

In old age, social activities are minimal; thus spouses have to maximize the shared-life with each other or endure loneliness. They have to work on, the relationship anew, to enjoy warmth of married life.

Unfortunately, after retirement the spouses stop sharing life. The girl likes TV soaps, where as this individual likes news-channels. It is a tragic sight to see an old couple watching much-loved TV programmes in two rooms.

What is the solution? The spouses have lived a successful lifestyle, but they are drifting apart in old age. In youth, they shared the life, while bringing up the children, when the cohesive forces were stronger than negative synergy prevalent in the household, due to in-laws and ego clashes. This is no longer true now. There is certainly nearly, zero sharing of lifestyle between the spouses. This is the situation entire world over, for senior citizens; as a result, divorce rate among senior citizens is on the rise.

The spouses — who were a made-for-each-other couple in younger days — are often a liability to each other in old age. The spouses don’ t want to embarrass themselves in the eyes of grown up children or siblings. They would continue with their lives as it is, as long as they can. May be, God cuts down their torment by calling back one of them or they learn themselves that it is better to let bygones be bygones. There is a fear of embarrassment: “ Our children will certainly laugh at us, when they arrived at know of our failure to overcome in the relationship, even after staying together for decades. ”

Understanding life

What is life? If we ask a classic person about his life, he would recollect sweet and sour reminiscences of his interaction with friends and relations. A tolerant mindset is a Godly trait. Let’ ersus learn to live our life along with flexible views. If we look at vegetation all around, we find saplings are flexible, but grown up trees are rigorous. Fixed habits and rigidity in views represent old age and dying. Youth is flexible, lively and full of enthusiasm. When each spouse is tolerant of other spouse’ s views and habits, the married life is a blessing forever.

There is no point faking this in bed because chances are your lovemaking partner will be able to tell. A study by researchers at the University of Waterloo found that men and women are similarly perceptive of their partners’ levels of lovemaking satisfaction.

The study by Erin Fallis, PhD applicant, and co-authors Professor Uzma S. Rehman and Professor Christine Purdon in the Department of Psychology in Waterloo, identified sexual communication plus ability to recognize emotions as important factors that predict accuracy in gauging one partner’ s sexual fulfillment.

The study was released in the journal Records of Sexual Behavior this month.

“ We found that, on average, both women and men have fairly accurate and impartial perceptions of their partners’ sexual fulfillment, ” said Fallis, the study’ s lead author. “ We all also found that having good conversation about sexual issues helped individuals to understand their partners’ sexual fulfillment. However , even if sexual communication was lacking, a person could still be pretty accurate in gauging his or her partner’ s sexual satisfaction if he or she was able to read emotions well. ”

The study involved 84 couples that were part of a larger study on sexual functioning and satisfaction. Fallis separated the partners, asked these to each report on their levels of dedication, relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, lovemaking communication and measured their feeling recognition abilities.

Young couples in a sexual relationship develop exactly what psychologists call a sexual screenplay, which forms guidelines for their sexual acts.

“ Over time, a few will develop sexual routines, ” said Fallis. “ We believe that having the capability to accurately gauge each other’ ersus sexual satisfaction will help partners to build up sexual scripts that they both enjoy. Specifically, being able to tell if their partners are sexually satisfied will help individuals decide whether to stick with a present-day routine or try something new. ”

As well as affirming important factors for healthy sexual relationships, the particular study’ s findings may help to lessen a common stereotype in our culture that women and men have difficulty communicating with plus understanding one another.

“ The next step in this research is to look at the particular impacts of having more or less accurate awareness of one’ s partner’ ersus sexual satisfaction over time in extensive relationships, ” said Fallis. “ We expect that having a more accurate understanding of one’ s partner’ ersus sexual satisfaction will have positive impacts for both partners’ sexual fulfillment and we’ re eager to check this idea. ”

Jun 18, 2014

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There are several things you need to consider before you attempt to overcome with a former partner. You must think about whether or not you will be truly happy within the relationship. Itis also your job to consider the reactions of others around you. You should verify that your emotional state is just not the main reason behind the reconciliation. In case you allow your emotions to influence the decisions regarding getting back together you will ultimately regret your decision.

It is important that you should remember that you are your own best expenditure. You existed prior to the relationship, and for that reason is the relationship is not reconciled you are going to still be able to exist and have a happy and healthy life. The societal misconception that happiness comes through having a partner can cause major emotional damage. If you constantly are comparing your relationship success with this of others, you may find that you engage in habits which you normally wouldn’ t.

Identifying the things that you can do whenever you’ re a single that you take pleasure in is essential to your recovery process. In case you honestly believe that you can find happiness without a person from your test you need to determine the reasons the you would feel compelled to reconnect with them. Many mothers and fathers for example , feel that it is better to overcome with the former partner so that youngsters have a unified living situation. The issue with this is the children and to know if something is genuine or not.

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A truly connection requires both people to end up being willing to admit the mistakes that caused a separation in the romantic relationship. If the partner does not have the proper psychological tools to admit that there have been problems in the relationship in the past through reconciliation is not recommended. Both parties should be willing to work on the challenges within a relationship and create positive progressive solutions for change.

The solutions must also be something that both parties would be the only involved in the creation positive solutions. If one person is dominant throughout the conversation, eventually they will be problems with the implementation of the solution. A commitment to compromise is essential for any fundamental change to take place in the relationship. Both parties should also understand the reasons they are willing to make the changes.